…Lemme phrase that question in another way…

What do you seem to constantly affirm to yourself?

(Good or Bad what you Affirm on a regular basis is your favorite Affirmation, i.e – the things you’ve been saying to yourself that becomes what you believe.)

You can always change what you believe about yourself, about others, and about your world in your mind. For some, the mental change can be quick…almost instant. For others, the mental change can take time. Either way, if you desire to change the way you think about yourself, your situation, or others, one of the best ways to do it is with Affirmations. What you affirm to yourself consistently over time becomes a belief. That belief can be about yourself, about others, about your situation, about your environment, etc. Beliefs are strong, some stronger than others. Yet beliefs are usually deep rooted because of something you have affirmed to yourself.

When you continuously affirm a thought, your mind will look for clues or create the behaviors in order to prove to yourself that what you are affirming is true. If its not something you were taught growing up, then it may be something you’ve developed over time based on your interactions with your environment or some sort of incident that has happened to you or to others that you have seen. Whatever the affirmation is, once your mind has found enough evidence to clearly convince yourself that its true, then the affirmation becomes a belief.

Though knowledge and skills are passed through the blood to our children, as a young mind develops it is almost completely open to receiving or creating affirmations that quickly becomes a belief. Should you not want your children to grow up with the same mindset you’ve had growing up, you can always help shape their beliefs…the double edge about this is children learn by not only hearing, but seeing and doing. So its one thing to tell a child what you want them to believe, but if they do not see your behaviors align with the beliefs you are attempting to teach them, they may not take to that belief and begin to affirm their own views and thoughts in order to create beliefs their minds feel are congruent to their situation. You, as a parent, may think your child is rebelling when, in fact, the child is just behaving in accordance to the beliefs they have built within themselves based on what they have continued to affirm to themselves which is in direct contrast to what you want them to believe.

Though children can quickly create or adopt a belief, an adult may need to create affirmations in order to change, enhance, or develop new beliefs and these factors can be fast or slow depending on the person.

Beliefs are powerful. Beliefs change who you are, how you feel about yourself and others, how you interact with yourself, and how you interact with the world around you. All beliefs can be changed should you so desire, and one of the best ways to change a belief, reinforce a belief, or develop a new belief is with Affirmations.

Affirmations are not the same as visualizations or manifestations (stuff based on the laws of attraction). However, affirmations can help you achieve your goals and outcomes which, in turn, lead to you manifesting what you desire. Affirmations can give you the edge you need in order to become a better visualizer, better father, better mother, a better follower of god, a better you! Of course it takes more than just using Affirmations…you should also be taking action. Affirmation+Action=Success!!

How do you go about using affirmations? How do you create them? How do you know what kinds of affirmations you should be using? Where do you begin? How long will it take for them to work? Will the change last? How often should you use your affirmations?

CREATING AFFIRMATIONS

First, understand that not everything you affirm becomes a belief that you really want to have. This is why its crucial to be somewhat specific with your affirmations. Here are 5 philosophies I adhere to when it comes to affirmations:

  1. You are not asking for anything. You are creating new beliefs and changing, or deleting, old beliefs
  2. All of your affirmations should be congruent with your life and goals
  3. Be mindful that others will try to impose their beliefs on you or may find ways to get you to change your own beliefs
  4. The world itself is the same. Your new beliefs will help you view yourself, the world, and others differently. This changes your mental, physical, and emotional behaviors to navigate life according to your new beliefs; its this aspect of affirmations that work with the law of attraction
  5. When you interact with others usually the one with the strongest belief usually controls the interaction and can influence the context of the situation…this doesn’t mean that you can’t have a belief that allows you to concede your position, doing so may help you gain influence later.

 

Creating affirmations is fairly simple. Creating the most useful and congruent affirmations take more time. How much time depends on you. The process can can be faster if you:

  • Pay attention to which verb tense and person you use in your affirmations that work best for you.
  • Avoid creating lengthy beliefs that are hard to recite without written text, but if you can do that then more power to you!
  • Use an audio recording for most (if not all) affirmations no matter the length. In fact I highly recommend using an audio recording of your own voice reciting affirmations.
  • Hit the web if you have trouble making your own affirmations or just want to use premade affirmations. There are plenty of great sites that have free or paid lists of affirmations in different categories. Two I’ve used were http://www.freeaffirmations.org and http://affirmyourlife.blogspot.com each site has its own unique way of presenting powerful affirmations. Sites like these will also serve as the blueprint for your own original affirmations. And you can make your own audio recordings with the ones you find. There are other types of media you can find for free that have affirmations.

I’ve truly never found anything that works faster at solidfying my own beliefs than audio recordings of affirmations in my own voice. It makes sense that most of what you believe in life has been affirmed in your own voice. Some beliefs in your mind may have been set by someone else but the affirmation of those beliefs come from your own voice.

I’ve found the best way to begin creating an affirmation is to think about something you already believe that you want to change or a belief that you want to adopt. For example: Let’s say you have a problem with keeping your home office organized and you want to change that. You can create your affirmations in 1st, 2nd, and 3rd person using one of these verb tenses – I AM a very organized person (present tense), I BECAME a very organized person (past tense), or I WILL BE a very organized person (future tense). Can you see how each affirmation seems to affect you differently with each tense?

We can change to 2nd person in the affirmation which lends itself to someone else speaking a belief about you – YOU ARE a very organized person (2nd person, present tense), YOU BECAME a very organized person (2nd person, past tense), YOU WILL BE a very organized person (2nd person, future tense). Now that you’ve read the same affirmations in second person, do you feel it connects with you more than affirmations written in the 1st person?

There is also third person affirmations which create beliefs about others – THEY ARE very organized people (3rd person, present tense), They became very organized people (3rd person, past tense), They will be very organized people (3rd person, future tense). Can you think of beliefs you’ve affirmed about others before?

Once you figure out which tense and viewpoint works best for you when creating affirmations, the next objective is to identify which beliefs you have that you may want to change or create. Maybe you’re usually very hot tempered, or you want to make better use of the time you have. You could be lacking in motivation, have difficulty making friends, or even dating. Here are some examples of affirmations from AFFIRM YOUR LIFE:

  • I accept myself for who I truly am, and give myself permission to grow beyond this. (self-esteem affirmation)
  • I am a career magnet – I am attracting excellent job prospects all the time. (career affirmation)
  • Daily exercise makes me healthy and attractive. (fitness affirmation)
  • Every day in every way my finances are getting better and better.  (money affirmation)
  • I have lots of free time in which to create my perfect life. (time management affirmation)

These are great examples of some very powerful affirmations and the site AFFIRM YOUR LIFE has plenty more! So hit this site, plus others like it, and build a list of affirmations that you want for yourself. Once you start to see how most affirmations are set up, then soon you can create your own. An affirmation I created for myself, and continuously use, is “MY CHILDREN MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND I DO ALL THAT I CAN TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEM TOGETHER.” I created this affirmation not because I didn’t love my children, but because I wanted to continue to love my children and find ways to spend more time with them all together. Affirming this statement until it became a belief was congruent to my life. It takes into account the feelings of my children and myself as well as how my family life fits into other aspects of my life such as dating and my career.

When you think about it, affirmations are everywhere. At times you might find yourself passively affirming a belief based on a phrase you read in a magazine, online, or out in public, or you may be affirming beliefs based on what others have said. Now that you can recognize what an affirmation is, you can also recognize when you are affirming beliefs that you may or may not want and you can stop yourself from affirming those unwanted beliefs quickly.

USING AFFIRMATIONS

Affirmations are meant to hardwire and rewire the mind, body, and spirit to help move you along a more positive path in life. These phrases are more than just positive thinking. When used on a regular basis, until you have your new beliefs firmly implanted in your mind, these statements also change your vibrational output. It has been scientifically proven that all thought influences the vibration of the energy in and around you. The vibes that you change within you controls how your mind, body, and emotions react to yourself and the world around you. The vibes that you change which travel outside of you aids the law of attraction in manifesting what you want most in life. Some of these affirmations you create will lead to you manifesting things you did not know you would or wanted but because your vibration of energy has changed based on your new beliefs, this bonus manifestation happens automatically.

THIS IS WHY IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT THAT YOUR AFFIRMATIONS ARE CONGRUENT TO YOUR LIFE AND GOALS! Some affirmations could aid in manifesting something you do not want. It may not be easy to see how this is happening at first but the more you use affirmations the more you’ll begin to notice how these beliefs influence yourself and the world around you. BE MINDFUL OF YOUR THOUGHTS AND WHAT YOU AFFIRM!

With that said, here is my method of using affirmations that I have created or found:

  1. Clearly write in print, or type out, your affirmations. Typos or using the wrong words can ruin an affirmation.
  2. Place your affirmations in categories and stick to one category at a time. Maybe do career affirmations in the A.M. and Money affirmations in the P.M.
  3. Use the rule of 4…speak outloud, read outloud, think to yourself, and record yourself saying your affirmations 4 times each.
  4. Listen to your audio recording daily. After the first time your recording says an affirmation, speak outloud that affirmation along with the recording for the last 3x it is stated. Read in silent, and outloud, your affirmations daily. Even though your intended beliefs may be written once on paper, you can still read them outloud, or in silence, 4 times each.
  5. Give yourself at least a month or two to start seeing some results from these affirmations. Results can come sooner or later than that based on the person and the amount of affirming they do, but this is a general time frame.
  6. Immediately change or rephrase an affirmation that is not working for you. Doing so can refine your process of creating affirmations in the future and can make current affirmations more powerful.
  7. Play your audio recordings while you sleep. Preferably with headphones or earbuds. This enables your unconscious mind to absorb those affirmations without waiting for your conscious mind to process the data first.
  8. Print out certain affirmations you truly love and hang them up on the walls in your home or office. Each time you see these beliefs on your walls you will read them thus continously affirming those beliefs.
  9. Store your affirmations in a safe place that you can access easily. Keep a few on you like in your wallet or purse so that you can recite them on the go when you have time.
  10. Be patient with, and trust, the process. Do not try to rush yourself with your affirmations. Remember, it depends on the person how fast the mind will adapt new beliefs. Some of your affirmations will become beliefs faster than others.

I enjoy creating and using affirmations. I wouldn’t call them fun but I will say that with time, effort, and patience your affirmations will work for you. You’ll know when they begin working because you’ll find yourself automatically behaving and thinking in accordance to the new beliefs you affirmed.

 

Tell me what some of your favorite affirmations are and your experiences of how well they worked, or didn’t work, for you. Maybe tell me about some negative beliefs you’ve affirmed in your life but then changed them with affirmations.

When the people I grew up with were young…we didn’t have much. But we made the best of what we had to have a good time and have fun. We could have fun with sticks and tree branches. We all had a great sense of imagination. WE NEVER GOT BORED!! Even when we were teenagers…we had no problem playing basketball, riding bikes, playing football, going to the arcade…just regular things we could do. And even though there are barely any arcades around there is still plenty of things for kids to do. I don’t care how messed up the city you live in is, figure out a way to go somewhere else to enjoy your time.

These lil ninjlets today will get money and spend it on BS that wont do nothing for them. They will ask their parents to buy them BS…I know ninjrids got a need to look fly and all that but if you are fly as hell but bored out your mind you need to start doing the damn math! $200 = A decent bus/train ride out of your city with a few friends (who each got their own dough) to a place where yall can have fun away from the hood and leave your attitude or your ghetto mentality in the ghetto.…or it can equal them new Lebrons… 

But these kids got parents who don’t care enough about them to teach them how to live a good life no matter what…its probably because they don’t know any better. But I’m sorry, after a certain age you have the ability to think and act on your own. To go out and purposely make your life worth living…so when these lil ninjlets start talking about “we got high and were bored so we decided to go knock somebody out”, and that shit becomes popular like the latest viral video…I gotta ask these questions:

1.) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SMOKING?? Keep it away from me cuz it aint the shit I’m smoking.
2.) WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU WILL KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THAT KNOCKOUT SHIT?? You’re a big ass coward cuz you’re not trying to knockouot no gangsters or d-boys…which no one would care if you did but them. Target people who are just minding their own damn business and watch how fast people find ways to put you on blast. You see how people record the cops that are out of control right??? You must not be afraid of getting caught, shot, stabbed, killed, or beat up by someone you try to knockout.
3.) DONT YOU REALIZE THAT BOREDOM IS A RESULT OF A LACK OF IMAGINATION + A LIFE WITHOUT GOALS?? You are so focused on NOTHING…that you have NOTHING to do and will make NOTHING of your life.
4.) IF YOU WANT TO KNOCK A FOOL OUT WHY NOT DO IT IN A BOXING GYM?? Oh…you must not be that bored to be on a level playing field with another person swinging at you.

These lil jerks will not stop until they start seeing regular everyday folk retaliate with lethal force and not get in trouble for it. Like that kid who got shot twice for failing to knockout a dude waiting for his baby girl…not only that but he got arrested and is serving time for that bullshit. I’m sorry but I’m that bored to get swiss cheesed up AND get thrown in jail after I recover just for trying to put one person down.

#EndOfRant #CarryOn

“It does not matter how slow you go, so long as you don’t stop.” 

Life doesn’t always seem to give us what we consider the time to get our lives together and further our own endeavors. What you must hold in your mind and heart is the idea that you will never give up on making your life what you want it to be no matter what career path you choose. 

Here are somethings that I believe in that have helped me continue on my career path without stopping.
Read the rest of this entry »

I watched this B-E-T web series called 8 Days A Week. Its pretty good and it got me to thinking. You know, with the vast majority of Hollywood still stuck in the early days of the 20th century, Blacks and Minorities barely have a presence on Broadcast, Cable, or Premium TV with shows featuring an all black/minority cast or black/minority leads. On top of that, when big name studios do come out with black and minority programs, they struggle because the content of the shows hardly fit with the life and culture of black or minority Americans.

BET's Short Lived Mini Web Series 8 Days A Week focuses on a group of young adults striving to reach their dreams in L.A.'s music scene My question is, why are so many blacks and minority actors, directors, and producers still chasing “The Hollywood Dream” when Hollywood hardly wants anything to do with us? I suggested to an actor I am connected with on Facebook that blacks and minorities need to create their own Hollywood. With the internet giving our cultures so many opportunities for success, and technology making it easy for us to create and distribute media, more blacks and minorities should be building the foundations of their dreams online instead of chasing the Hollywood dream. The audience is there with people the world over flocking to the internet to find new forms of entertainment to enjoy. Sites like YouTube, Vimeo, and Daily Motion are giving mainstream media a run for its money. You can even see this happening in the music industry as well. The internet provides everyone on the planet the opportunity to find new and unique entertainment they want to see, not just what some big time entertainment exec thinks they want.

Brothers With No Game is a comedic black web series from the UK that deals with 4 black men who literally have no game in life and love.Web Series are a great way for blacks and minority actors, directors, and producers to showcase their talents to the masses with the ability to reach more audiences than ever before. This gives blacks and minorities the chance to be creative and genuine without big Hollywood dictating how we should portray our cultures which is usually very cliché and stereotypical. Add to that, blacks and minorities can use the internet to influence our cultures in ways that Hollywood will not. Businesses love to align their brands with web content that gains tons of traffic and engagement from viewers, supporters, and fans. This equals a great opportunity for blacks and minorities to gain revenue and earn a living. I believe that the internet is the newest and best frontier for blacks and minority entertainers and businesses. It can level the playing field between a new Black and Minority Hollywood and the old Hollywood.

Donnie Leapheart's original fantasy black web series Osiris is about a 300 year old immortal who, in the first season, gets into trouble working for the FBI. The only thing that I feel keeps many blacks and minorities chasing the Hollywood dream instead of building their own is the idea of fame and fortune. Sure, with the right opportunity a black or minority entertainer can see fame and fortune through Hollywood but those opportunities are slim compared to massive amount of black and minority entertainers seeking those opportunities. Blacks and Minorities are also constantly trying to prove themselves to Hollywood to show that they fit in yet, because of Hollywood’s business model still being stuck in the past, our cultures are shown time and time again that blacks and minorities are hardly wanted in Hollywood. This is why the internet is so crucial to the success of our current, and future, black and minority entertainment brands, and businesses.

I, for one, will start watching and promoting more black and minority web series. I think its necessary for our cultures to embrace this open web platform now before someone in Fugitive Getaway is a relatively new web series created, written, directed, and produced by two young black kids barely in their teens. The show doesn't take itself to seriously by adding humor and pre-teen elements to the dialog. corporate entertainment, big government, or corporate America finds a way to lock the web up for their own gain making it harder for blacks and minorities to build their creative platforms without having to go through them first or abide by their rules. I’m so glad bills like SOPA and PIPA never saw the light of day.

Here are some other links you can follow to see more web shows featuring blacks and minorities:

http://tvisual.org/ – Televisual Magazine blog. This site has a ton of Web Series Resources to explore and many of them are focused on Blacks and Minorities.

http://www.webserieschannel.com/ – A website completely dedicated to Web Series. Though they’re not centrally focused on Black and Minority Web Series and you may have to search for them, its still a great resource for Web Series. There’s even a submission section so if you don’t see your favorite web series, submit it!

http://thegrio.com/2012/10/23/the-black-web-series-trend-6-shows-to-watch-out-for/ The Grio is a blog created by NBC News centrally focused on Black America. In this post there are 6 Black Web Series to take note of each with a synopsis that tells you what each Web Series is about.

http://www.theroot.com/views/7-must-watch-black-web-series – The Root is another popular blog focused on the African-American experience. This post, much like the Grio post, talks about 7 Black Web Series to watch. With only two matching the ones in the Grio post, you can bet the rest are other high quality and entertaining Web Series to take note of.

Check out this fan page http://www.facebook.com/BlackWebSeries for a listing of over 100 Black Web Series to watch including BET’s 8 Days A Week.

Embrace The Web!

I AM HUMAN AND I ONLY SEE HUMAN BEINGS

Posted: November 23, 2012 in Opinion

I’m a human being and I look at everyone as being human first before seeing their skin or learning of their culture. It’s those that can’t see past color or culture that need to wake up and open their eyes. Those are the ones that are sleep…they are the ones that are blind.

You are not your skin color or culture to me when I first see you…you are human. To me, you are part of one race. The human race. No other denomination of race exists when I first see you. It will stay that way so long as you view me, and treat me, as a human being from the moment we meet, and beyond, as I will do the same. Treating me as something else that I am not will be a serious err of judgement on your part, and there will be no reason for me to even consider that you actually exist as a human because, to me, a human can only exist as a human.

I can understand that there is still racism running rampant in this country, in this world, and injustice is everywhere we turn. Racism, ignorance, fear, inequality, injustice, violence, hatred…these are all just tools to keep the masses of humans in check. But I refuse to allow those tools to control my frame of thinking. I think in terms of being human first and always!

At this moment in humanity, we are easily drawn to these tools. It is easy for us to judge and point the finger…to hate and scorn and mock each other, to fear what we don’t understand, to remain ignorant, to follow what our societies have said should be our norm. It’s easier for us to get in line than to walk where we please and allow others to walk where they please. It’s easier for us to be violent, or to run instead of fight. It’s easier for us to sit down for nothing than to stand up for ourselves or for others. It’s easier for us to give up hope for our own future than to have unwaivering faith in ourselves and our ability to be the creator and master of our own fate. A fate that can be one of peace, prosperity, perfect health, and unconditional love.

We will continue to allow this to happen so long we choose the easy way of life. That will not change until we begin to value life, accept death, strengthen the spirit, improve the mind, respect the body, and let unconditional love be our guide to the future of mankind and our civilization. From these tools we will fashion the kind of life that is truly happy, that is righteous, that is respectful, that is honest, that is faithful, that is prosperous and wealthy, that is fearless, that is just, that is imaginative, that is intelligent, that is peaceful.

There will be no anger and hatred among us because we will see that there is no reasoning for it. There will be no violence among us because we will see that there is no reasoning for it. There will be no ignorance among us because we will see that there is no reasoning for it. There will be no fear among us because we will see that there is no reasoning for it. There will be no disease of any sort among us because we will see that there is no reasoning for it. There will be no such thing as poverty because we will see that there is no reasoning for it. We will not judge one another because we will see that there is no reasoning for it. We will hold no secrets because we will see that there is no reasoning for it. There will be no need for war, no need for riches, no desire for class, no desire for status, no need to maintain an image of self that beckons for vanity and sexuality.

Everything about humanity will change. It will change when humans no longer choose the easy way of life. We can start by viewing everyone as humans first and forever…

Let’s Put An End To This Now!

The last post I created gave you clues as to whether or not you’re getting the runaround when dealing with people in various situations. These situations are often ones where you are in need of something from someone whether it be business or personal, sometimes political or spiritual. Your initial approach to get what you want from this person didn’t yield and immediate response, which is fine. Not every situation can be handled right away or when first brought to attention. Patience is therefore stressed and expected, but after awhile you may start to feel as if you’re not being listened to or taken seriously. You could be getting the runaround.

What is the runaround? As stated in my last post, the runaround is a specific set of replies and actions meant to keep you in a loop of expectation without actually giving you what you want. You could be lied to, delayed, or even worse, put on the back-burner indefinitely. You know it because you feel it. You start to believe that who ever is giving you the runaround doesn’t deem your situation or demands to be of much importance. All of this is just a refresher on what was stated in my last post but this post is about putting a stop to the runaround. Will putting a stop to the runaround mean that you are going to get what you want? That you will be listened to and taken seriously? No. Not all the time. There are times when you just have to give up on ending the runaround and take a different course of action. That course of action could be you letting go of what you are trying to get, finding someone else, somewhere else, to provide the same solution you wanted in the first place, or bringing attention to your situation in way that forces your desired objective to be completed. It all depends on what you want, how serious the situation is, and how much you are willing to get what you desire.

The 3 Checkpoints and The Questions That Go With Them.

In the last post I stated that in order to properly assess that you are getting the runaround when you cannot feel that’s it’s happening with your own intuition, you should start by conducting a series of “Checkpoints” that include various observations and questions that you can ask yourself. These 3 Checkpoints are: 1.) A Situation Check 2.) An Interaction Check 3.) A Self Check. Usually when a person is in tune with their own intuition, they perform these checks internally and automatically. Intuition is like a sixth sense but more closely related to your kinetic (feeling) senses than being a sense in its own. Many people lack the natural ability to use their intuition. Either they weren’t born with that ability or they just don’t trust their “gut” enough. The observations and questions within each checkpoint can help to develop a sense of intuition, but in order to hone and sharpen this natural ability, you must learn to trust your gut. If you feel that you’re getting the runaround but don’t completely trust your gut instincts, then using the checkpoints will help. In time, you’ll begin to develop your own style of observations and questioning, thereby creating your own set of checkpoints. You’ll learn to trust your gut more often and that will aid you in other ways as well.

Once you’ve gone through the checkpoints or have given considerable weight to your gut instincts and have come to the conclusion you are indeed getting the runaround, the next step is to find a way to put an end to it. My suggestions are mostly interaction based since much of the time the runaround is given as you are interacting with your intended person.

1st Suggestion: Adding Value To The Situation

Whether the situation you are facing is of the utmost importance or not very important at all to you, the only way your target is going to consider it important to them will be based on how well you’ve placed value on the situation and the outcome. When I say value, I mean do both you and your target benefit at the same time if the situation is resolved? Is the resolving of the situation more beneficial to you or them? If it only benefits you, chances are that your target knows this. Try not to be selfish with your desires. Find a way to show your target that ending the runaround and tending to your desires is a win-win situation for both of you. At times, major circumstances surrounding your demands can force cooperation. These circumstances immediately let your target know that it isn’t beneficial, for either of you, to put the situation and your requests on hold. There are times when your target does not know the severity surrounding your request. Then there are times when your target doesn’t care. Adding value to the situation gives you and the other person more incentive to tend to the situation swiftly.

There is a phrase that everyone asks themselves when considering a request or demand from someone else: What’s In It For Me? Its the age old question everyone asks. When trying to add value to your situation so that your intended person places importance on it, ask yourself this: What’s In It For Them? Adding value is not difficult so long as you have gone through your checkpoints.

2nd Suggestion: Keep your interactions smooth and to the point

Adding value usually works best so long as you’ve been having smooth interactions with the person giving you the runaround. Being pushy and aggressive doesn’t always work, especially if your target person hasn’t seen the value in the solution to your situation. Even more, if there are no major circumstances surrounding your situation, then you can best believe that pushy and aggressive interactions will continue to result in getting the runaround. Also, if you do not get to the point or cannot get your point across in your interactions, the target person may look at it as you just wanting to vent with no real desire, or no real situation, to resolve. Not everyone has the time to lend a listening ear for no reason. Smooth and to the point.

That doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover either. Be confident in what you are trying to achieve and in the value you are adding to your situation. Timidity can come off not only as a sign of weakness, but also that you have no real desire to see your situation tended to. Sounds like what I just wrote about being pushy and aggressive in the last paragraph, doesn’t it? Well it is in a way. Consider being pushy or a pushover as being two sides of the same coin. The net result is almost always the same: the runaround.

3rd Suggestion: Don’t Wait Too Long Between Interactions

I know you don’t like to wait, no one does but many times, patience can be the virtue you need to get you through the wait. However, in my opinion, you should never wait too long between your interactions. Especially if you want to end the runaround. Even if your target person says let’s get up in two weeks, doesn’t mean you have to wait two weeks before interacting with them again. If your target person sets up a supposed time to meet and resolve your situation, you must hold them to it, and you must remind them from time to time as well.

Sometimes people are just too busy to handle every situation as they come up, and you have to be the one told to wait. If you have run through your checkpoints, you’ll already know your target personal or professional position, and you’ll be considerate of that when interacting with them. Plus, if you know the person in question, as well as their habits of handling each situation they have to deal with, you’ll know whether to back off or press on. This suggestion should be what you decide on given your observations of the 2nd checkpoint.

3rd Suggestion: Get Them To Agree And Commit To Date And Hold Them To It

More often than not, waiting sucks. Yeah, yeah…I know, I already said not to wait too long between interactions but that doesn’t mean you’ve got a scheduled date and time to call or meet and talk about the situation. Get your target person to agree to a scheduled meeting and hold them to it. Make them accountable for that date. Have them email you with a confirmation of your scheduled appointment. Remind them of the integrity surrounding the way they go about handling the situation. If your target wants to cancel or reschedule on you, make sure they send you a confirmation of that. Do not leave it at a phone call that says “Sorry but we can’t meet this day, something came up, I’ll call you back to reschedule” Make sure you get that confirmation. That is ammo for you when it comes to a part in the next suggestion. If you do not get an email or some kind of written confirmation from your target, then proceed to attend your meeting as scheduled. Always have a date or time lined up for everything…including a call to reschedule…and ALWAYS GET A CONFIRMATION!

Your target person may want to push things off onto their secretary, assistant, or some attendant. Do not go for that. You make sure that you get your target to send you a quick confirmation email. It only takes a minute to write “As per our conversation, I promise to call you again on ____date to reschedule our meeting based on availability.” Your target wasn’t too busy to call and tell you that they will call you back to reschedule, so they shouldn’t be too busy to send that email. With the way technology is today, emails can be sent from any smartphone, tablet, or laptop. Do not accept an email from a subordinate or third party. Get your confirmations from your target person.

4th Suggestion: Apply A Little, Or A lot, Of Pressure

Everyone responds to stress in different ways just as everyone responds to pressure in different ways. If your situation is causing you stress and you must have it resolved, but your target is giving you the runaround repeatedly, then maybe it’s time to apply some pressure to that person. What’s great here is that many times you can apply pressure and add value as well! Yet, many times you just need to apply pressure. So how do you apply pressure and what should you do? You can start off by being a bit more aggressive when trying to get your target to interact with you. Cut down your wait times and call more often. Do more visits. Throw a tantrum…no don’t throw a tantrum, you’ll just look like a baby. Get other people involved in the situation. Write in some letters to your target. Send emails. Post a review on a customer review site or forum, then share that review with as many people as possible and make sure you get replies from the readers. Hell, if the circumstances are major to you, get the media in on it!

Refrain from making threats of violence or using violence. Very rarely does threats of violence or using violence make you look good when trying to get your needs met or ending the runaround. Violent threats can lend you in jail. If you’re into some shady business endeavors, then quite possibly threats of violence and violence itself are the way to go. I am writing this post to appeal to people that are NOT in that type of situation. You also have to know that with the way technology is these days, very rarely does a threat of violence go unrecorded. If charges are pressed against you, those violent threats can be used against you in court.

This is not to say you cannot make a threat at all. There are different types of threats and not all of them are violent in nature. If you make a threat, be ready to follow through on it or your target person may not take you seriously. One kind of threat is the media threat. Bad publicity doesn’t work in your target’s favor. Make sure you have a plan together to involve the media if you use them in your threat and show your target proof of your plan. As the saying goes, Don’t just talk about it, be about it! Learning how to properly apply pressure to the person giving you the runaround can have a positive affect on getting your situation resolved. It takes a bit of skill as well. Your first few attempts at applying pressure may not work the way you want at first if you’ve never done it before.

5th Suggestion: If All Else Fails, Get Someone Else To Handle Your Situation

Sometimes no matter how hard you try to get your target to listen to and act upon your demands, they may never move to resolve your situation at all. If you’ve gone through your checkpoints, you should already have another person of equal or more influence or authority that you can call on to get your situation handled. Start with the next person in the chain of command. Go above the target if you have to. Trust me, if your target has a superior and the superior has to be called in to handle the situation because of negligence, that will come down on your initial target. Maybe next time they’ll do their job and resolve situations like they’re supposed to.

Also consider going to a different company or organization that can handle your situation. Some businesses don’t mind cleaning up another business’s mess so they can convert you to their company and get your patronage. Be sure to write a letter of thanks to that company and another letter of disappointment to the target person and company you initially tried to deal with. Go a step further and write a review about your experience.

What if the person you’re trying to meet with is a friend, family member, or love interest? What if the situation is just you getting together for a date or fun night out/hang out session with someone you haven’t seen in awhile? Well, then the best thing to do is have a backup plan for those occasions. Chances are you know the friend or family member all too well and if its a person you want to date, you might want to find another person that will be available at a moments notice should the need arrive. Stick to whatever plan you decide to make, just execute those plans with another person. Sincerely have a good time with that other person. Take pics or videos of showing all of the fun you had on that occasion. Then make it known to your initial target friend, family member, or love interest that you still went out and had a good time in their absence. They may reconsider cancelling on you the next time you arrange a get together. If your relationship or meet up is of no real importance to your target person, then it wont make it difference since they’re only making false promises. Then again, if you’re building value and getting a commitment from them, chances are they wont cancel and if they do, they’ll may feel bad about it make a better effort to get together the next time.

Take The Best Course Of Action For You According To Your Situation

Remember, these are just suggestions. Much of this is from my own personal experience. You have to assess your situation first before taking action according to the suggestions I made. Use the Checkpoints from the previous post before determining the next course of action suggested in this post. Some cases may require pressure, some may require patience, others may require taking other measures. I’m sure there are more ways you can stop getting the runaround. If you have any suggestions of your own, please feel free to share them in the comments.

To end this I will say one thing…and though I mentioned it before, it should be stated again and understood: YOU MUST LEARN TO TRUST YOUR GUT, YOUR INSTINCTS, YOUR INTUITION. Not only will that keep you on point when dealing with someone giving you the runaround, trusting your intuition will also become an extremely valuable skill to aid you for the rest of your life in all situations!

ARE YOU GETTING THE RUN AROUND??

Here’s your situation: You are in need of something from a professional place of business. Whether it be work, service, a product, or the resolution of an issue, all you want is that chance to speak your mind and get what you desire. After going through the Chain-of-Command of professionals, you get to the big guy…The man in charge. Now you feel as though you are going to get the help you want.

Here’s another situation: Maybe you don’t need anything from a business, but want something from a family member or a friend. Quite possibly you could be interested in a potential mate and you want desperately to get that chance with them. Soon, however, you begin to realize that people are giving you the RUN AROUND. Once you get to that point, you need to figure out if what you want from that person or company is worth the time and effort to get past the run around and get your results.

What exactly is the run around?

Basically, the run around is a specific set of lies/actions meant to keep you in a loop of expectation without actually giving you what you want. The person giving you the run around never had the intention of fulfilling your desires in the first place. So they give you the run around hoping that you will “get the hint” after awhile and give up. This is not to be confused with someone who has a really busy or hectic life or schedule and just can’t set the time aside for you. Their intentions may be well, and they more than likely want to address your needs or meet with you, but the timing is not right.

See, what’s happening when you get the run around is that your intended target doesn’t see the value in who you are or what your needs are. Maybe you haven’t placed enough value on what you desire? Maybe you haven’t placed enough value on yourself? Maybe there has been no sense of urgency surrounding your situation? No matter what the question is, the answer is the same: you’re getting nowhere fast with this person. After awhile you feel like giving up because either you believe that your target is too busy or you know they are giving you the run around.

How do you know this? Well, if you’re in tune with own intuition, you should be able to pick up on it. May not be right away, but you’ll pick up on it. If you’re not in tune with your intuition, then you need to observe a few things.

1st things 1st:

Let’s check the situation. Just because you feel you’re situation deserves much needed attention, that doesn’t mean it does. How serious are your needs? Dire? Extreme? Light? Can you make it through life without having that meeting with an old friend? Will you be able to function if you never see the store manager for a customer service or product related issue? Does your project have to be seen by this potentially influential individual or can you find someone else with the same clout and influence somewhere else?

2ndly:

Let’s check your interactions. Are you able to talk to your target? What was that like? Did they sound sincere in their voice? Did they rush you off the phone, out of their office, or away from the meeting area? Were they asking questions of you to get as much info as necessary? Did they make claims to have the time available only to reschedule time and time again? Do you FEEL put off? DOES IT FEEL LIKE YOUR TARGET SEEMS TO BE BOTHERED BY YOU? Do you find yourself contacting them over and over again, with barely any reply?

Lastly:

Let’s check yourself. Were you frustrated by your situation from the beginning? Do you know your target’s current situation? Were you polite when you contacted your target? Have you been able to place value on resolving the situation or having your needs met? DO YOU FIND YOURSELF CONTACTING YOUR TARGET OFTEN? Do you lack the patience needed to deal with a potential “run around” situation?

So now that you’ve asked yourself these questions and answered them, what overall conclusion have you come to? Are you getting the run around?

Here are some things to consider:

When interacting face to face – Check your target’s overall posture, gestures, and facial expressions. Make sure they are paying attention to you as you speak. Paying attention doesn’t mean staring. For all that they could be looking through you, not at you. Look at their posture. If it seems like they are bored or uninterested, they probably are. Watch their gestures because if they are fiddling with things like their pockets or other devices, writing or anything that doesn’t seem to be involving you, then it may be that you’re not that important to them and they feel as long as they are there to hear you speak that will satisfy you. Check out their tone of voice. Does it seem like they really want to speak?

Listen to their excuses – If you know their situation, the excuses for giving you the run around will either be valid or invalid. For example: A manager looking to hire someone quickly will not give you the run around if they feel you are a quality candidate for work. So if they schedule for an interview, then cancel without a reschedule, chances are you will get the run around. Remember, everyone who works knows their schedule so they know when they are available. Especially managers.

Knowing when someone is giving you the run around is more about feeling and intuition than facts or timing. Trust your gut instincts and know when to either give up or push the issue more. My next blog will tell you how to stop a person from giving you the run around.

Good luck in your efforts.

Network29

Posted: March 22, 2012 in Life Skills
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